Breaking Through Self-Worth Barriers
Sutton Full Potential Founder
Five steps to transforming your limiting mindset
Welcome to Breaking Through Self-Worth Barriers – five steps to transforming your limiting mindset.
I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’re here to share in this knowledge, because let’s face it, who doesn’t have a few self-worth barriers, right?
I’m here to help you break through those barriers, and work towards finding your true potential!
My name is Elizabeth Houghton, and my fancy job description is ‘Career Transition and Clarity Coach’. I help high-achievers from traditional backgrounds shed the narrow definition of success ram
med down their throats by others, so they can transition out of dull jobs and into meaningful work they really love.
Until I learned how to break through my own self-worth barriers, all I ever wanted to do was fit in. I went to great lengths to hide my uniqueness from everyone, and in my efforts to do so, I allowed family, cultural and societal stories about success to be my guide. I stopped listening to myself and what I wanted. I did everything I could to be ‘normal’, to ensure the people in my life would be proud of me.
But then I woke up, and realised that I was so much more than what those norms expected me to be. I was more than what I had allowed myself to become. But, after spending my whole life listening to others and burying my own voice, it was difficult for me to believe that I was capable of creating the life I wanted.
Maybe you’re at that stage of your life right now, and that’s what has brought you here. If so, you’re in the right place! I’ve created this workbook to supercharge your journey, enabling you to learn from my experience and to progress towards transforming your mindset. The steps I’ll share with you empowered me to step out of the shadows and find the real me, and I know they can do the same for you. Take this journey with me now, and commit to living a life you truly deserve, in which you can open-heartedly say – THIS IS ME!
Who are you, and what do you really want?
‘In order to manifest your desires, you must first get crystal clear on your goals’
The first and most important step in breaking through your self-belief barriers is learning to listen to yourself. You have to learn to trust in your intuition, and to be honest with yourself about who you truly are, and what you really want.
When was the last time you asked yourself those big questions? Have you ever asked them? It’s so easy to get swept away in the societal norms we’re taught to comply with, that often we don’t consider these important questions at all. Take a moment to peel your labels off, and forget for a moment that you’re a daughter, a mother, a sister, a friend. Ask yourself – who would you be without those labels?
It may well be really difficult for you to remember who you really are, because she has been suppressed for so long. She’s hiding under the labels and expectations that you have accepted. Along the way you stopped questioning them, and you stopped being able to hear your own inner-voice over the almighty racket created by everyone else’s expectations. For others, it might be easy to picture the woman waiting inside, ready to burst out into the light, but you might need help to connect with her and help her escape.
Getting clear on your goals and desires doesn’t just focus on the material or physical aspects of your life. We also have emotional and mental desires that need to be fulfilled before we can find our true path. I find that as women, we can sometimes struggle with gaining clarity on what we want, because we allow ourselves to be influenced by what we think they should be doing, based on what we believe others expect of us. These ‘shoulds’ then cloud our goals, and we limit ourselves, settling instead for aspirations that seem more realistic.
When was the last time you set a goal for yourself that had nothing to do with the wants and needs of everyone around you? Often, it can be difficult to get clear on these sorts of goals because you don’t know the questions to ask yourself in order to figure out what you really want.
Clarity coaching is really effective in helping you gain certainty about where you’re going, and what you want to achieve. Without clear desires, it’s easy to get distracted, and lose momentum and motivation.
Take a moment now to sit in silence and listen to the woman inside. What are her desires? Where does she want to take you? What are the limit-free aspirations that light her up? As you sit with yourself asking these questions, grab a blank sheet of paper and write down the thoughts that come up. Don’t judge them, and don’t worry if they make sense or not – just write them as they come, without censorship.
Once you’ve done this, it’s time to move on to the next step.
Are you ready to see what’s holding you back?
What is keeping you stuck?
‘Your beliefs create your reality’
OK! So now you know what it is that you want. You know where you want to go. Now you’re probably wondering how the hell you’re going to get there. Most people think they’re stuck, or not reaching their desires, because of a lack of action, or not having a plan. But what if I told you that wasn’t quite true? What if I told you that maybe you’re just not ready for action yet? Whilst it’s true that action is a part of what you’ll need to do to follow your authentic path, the main reason a lot of us are stuck is actually our belief system.
We all have limiting beliefs that hold us back, and it’s easy to get caught up in these and let them stop us from turning our BIGDreams into reality.
Any of these beliefs ring a bell for you?
- The belief that you’ll never accomplish anything
- The belief that you’ll never reach your career goals
- The belief that you’ll never reach your earning dreams
- The belief that you’ll never lead a live you are passionate about
Most of us don’t make conscious decisions about what we believe. Rather, our beliefs are based on assumptions we make about our past, and these limiting beliefs prevent us from turning our BIGDreams into reality, and living our best life.
What we believe in and focus on, shapes our world. If you believe you can’t, chances are you probably won’t! Our thoughts are powerful, and they shape our reality. If we don’t truly believe in something, and I mean truly, truly believe at a core level, then it won’t become our reality.
‘When you understand your beliefs, you can change your life’
We are aware of some of our beliefs in our conscious mind, because they appear as daily mental chatter. However, some beliefs exist in our subconscious and we may not be aware of them. These are the beliefs that often hold us back the most! These subconscious beliefs need to be identified and weeded out, so that you can do the work to transform them.
Subconscious beliefs are often the hardest to change, because they’re created when we are very young. Up until the age of seven, our brain operates on a theta brainwave, which means we are unable to create filters, so we accept what we are told as fact. During this unfiltered stage, we are very receptive to the thoughts, opinions and beliefs of others, and without us realising, they become ingrained into our own belief system. Events in our adult life then reinforce these beliefs even further, and they become cemented into our reality and become part of who we are. We rarely go back and review these beliefs to assess if they still serve us as adults.
For instance, let’s say as a child you heard messages like these:
- ‘you’re too slow’
- ‘your head is in the clouds’
- ‘you can’t do that’
- ‘you’re doing it wrong’
- ‘you don’t know how to do it’.
These were just comments made towards you, but they’ve since created a mindset that may have you resisting feeling worthy, loved or valued.
Our limiting beliefs are not always created from a negative place. They are simply messages that, over time, create our reality. Just because they were created at a younger age doesn’t mean you had a bad childhood, or that your upbringing was a negative experience, it’s just that the information you received and retained came at an age when you were incapable of filtering it. It’s important to identify these beliefs so that you can do the work to change them, and create new, empowered beliefs to replace them.
A personal example
As a child, I grew up with hard working parents, and there were many conversations that revolved around working hard to get what you want in life. I learnt that to be ‘successful’ you must work hard, get good grades, have a corporate career, buy a big house, and be able to afford regular international holidays.
It was only after working with my coach that I realised a part of my lack of self-worth, and belief that I hadn’t achieved enough, came from these beliefs that had been formed when I was younger. I believed that I wasn’t working hard enough, even though I was working my butt off! I based my self-worth on how much I earned, and how hard I was working.
Ok, big question time. What do you believe about yourself? Not on a superficial level, but deep down. Quieten your ego, and listen to your subconscious – what is it telling you?
Breaking through beliefs
‘Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right’ – Henry Ford
This is the exciting part! It’s time to make some positive and powerful changes, and begin writing your own story instead of living someone else’s!
You’ve identified the beliefs you’ve been holding on to, both conscious and subconscious, and now it’s time to transform them! This will involve reprogramming your mind with a new set of beliefs that support the life you want to create for yourself.
Let’s say you’re telling yourself that you can’t do anything else, that what you do is all you know, or that other people know what’s best for you. You need to transform these beliefs to get where you want to go, instead of staying where you are.
This step can be quite challenging, because even though these new empowering beliefs are going to better serve you, it can initially be very hard to truly believe the new story you’re trying to tell yourself.
Your brain will tell you the old beliefs are familiar and comfortable. This is where I use Neuro-Linguistic Programming techniques as part of my coaching, as an extremely powerful tool to help you reprogram your thoughts.
Challenging and changing your beliefs is a process that takes time and commitment. You need to be consistent, and call yourself out on thoughts that aren’t serving you. Catch them when they appear and reframe them to create something more supportive.
With the right beliefs on your team, and a firm sense of trust in your intuition, anything is possible! After completing this step, you’ll feel as though you have made a huge breakthrough – and you have! But you’re not finished just yet!
Transform your energy
‘Surround yourself with a tribe that has good vibes’
Energy. How many times have we all heard that word bandied about? That’s because it’s bloody important! Everything is made up of energy, even you! The energy around us has its own vibrational frequency, so when we talk about ‘good vibes’ or ‘high vibes’ this is often referring to high vibrational energy.
There are two main parts to energy work:
1. Releasing negative energy
2. Raising your vibration!
Throughout our life we are all subjected to many negative experiences and will have felt that murky energy in the pit of our stomach, or as heartache. Although we may think we have overcome these experiences, there is negative residue left inside which prevents positive energy form being able to penetrate. Once this negative energy is released, we can then truly align ourselves with positive vibrations.
You will have also probably heard the adage that like attracts like. This means the vibrations that we send out, are also the vibrations that we attract back. When we are in a positive state of energy (peace, happiness, thankfulness), we vibrate at a high frequency which then becomes a vibrational match for the positive things we want.
But remember, this works both ways!
If you’re in a negative state of energy (anger, resentment, unhappiness), and vibrating at a low frequency, then we inevitably become a match to more negativity.
It’s unrealistic to be in a positive state 24 /7, which is why it’s so important to catch your negative moods when they occur, and consciously move towards a more positive state throughout the day. Not only will this reduce stress, anxiety, and depression, but the more often we maintain a positive state, the closer we get to the life we want!
You’ve come along way already – just one more step to go!
Take Action & Surrender
‘Surrender and accept that whatever is happening in this moment, the universe is working on your behalf’
Remember way back in step two, when I said you weren’t ready for action yet? Well buckle up, because now you are!
You’ve gained clarity, identified your limiting beliefs, and learnt how to break through them. You believe in yourself; you know you can do it, and you know how to get back on track if you have a wobble!
Now it’s time to take action to move in the right direction towards your dreams.
Careful though! Don’t go out all guns blazing. This is a step to take slowly and mindfully, because it’s easy to become tired and burnt out in this action phase, and these feelings will result in a negative state of energy, which will be counter-productive.
Make sure you take inspired action. This means that your actions should come from a place of positive energy, and heart-centered intentions. Allow your actions to come from a place of inspiration. For example, if you’re starting a business and creating online content, allow yourself to create it from a place of fun and inspiration, rather than a place of stress and obligation.
Whilst you are taking action towards your goals, you must also remember to surrender, and let the Universe do its job. Your job is to have a firm, unshakeable set of beliefs and goals. Surrender the how and when to the Universe. This, understandably, is a difficult balance because you need to be actively taking steps to move forward, but without creating a controlling energy.
The Universe has its own plan for you. The journey to achieving your goals may not look exactly the way you imagine, but you need to trust that the outcome will be want you want.